Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
