I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
