8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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