You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
