She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
