Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize