I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
