I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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