you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
