I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
