Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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