This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
