Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just gift wrapped bread.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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