just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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