So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I understand Curling. That high.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
