i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
