Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
