My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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