Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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