8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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