Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
