Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
