you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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