woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
