Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
