shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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