I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
