and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my shit smells like andre
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
