You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
