So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
