Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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