ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize