you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
