I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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