Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
