Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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