my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
