I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize