He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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