can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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