Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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