508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
