i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
