so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it's great music for shaving your balls
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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