I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
