I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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