thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
