I'm drive I can fine osifer
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
