I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
