I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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