is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
