In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
