i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
