3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
