Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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