Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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