I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
