OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
