honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
