4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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