hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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