I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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