Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
