I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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