Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
