That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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