Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
