i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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