I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
