I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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