I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
should my penis look like a turkey
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
