he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
