boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
