You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
