i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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