well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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