I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
