I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
