Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
